yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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