ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
