For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh god it's open bar.
I love you.
Bad choice
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
