Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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