oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
