You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
