I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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