help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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