fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
