some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
