i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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