Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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