now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
