I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
