the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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