Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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