the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
