why didn't you poke me back
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
