In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
