this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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