Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
