East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
