I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A+ Viking dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
