I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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