The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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