if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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