Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
