This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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