We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
