Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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