And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
