dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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