I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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