he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
