I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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