i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
