wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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