Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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