If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
