what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
