She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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