she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
