What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
