Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
