handjob tips. give me some.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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