Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
