I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
