So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
