Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
