After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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