You just made me feel so damn special
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
