Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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