She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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