oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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