this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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