I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
