Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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