..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
