Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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