Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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