Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
