Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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