Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm gonna fight the coyote
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
