what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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