All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
