So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
