I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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