I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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