farters have to be the big spoon...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.