I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
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I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?