so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?