you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler