What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
