I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
