I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
